


That which consumes your mind, controls your life

by Dorthea



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Peter Parker, Bucky Barnes & Peter Parker Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky Barnes's Trigger Words, Day 1, FebuWhump2021, Good Peter, Hurt, Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Mind Control, Not Beta Read, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker is a Mess, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Steve, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Feels, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Whump, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29132247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorthea/pseuds/Dorthea
Summary: And Peter looks down, the ground below coming closer and closer. And he knows, this… this is the end, but better him than anybody else. And so, Peter allows himself to relax, closing his eyes. And take a deep breath into his lungs.He doesn’t count the seconds.He doesn’t see his life pass him by.He doesn’t regret what he’s doing. He’s done too many good things to regret it.This was the only way.He waits, and he waits. At peace with his choice.***Febuwhump, Day 1, Mind control.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2137731
Comments: 9
Kudos: 114





	That which consumes your mind, controls your life

**Author's Note:**

> Febuwhump, Day 1, Mind control.
> 
> https://fordanoia.tumblr.com/post/639397709588086784/febuwhump-febuwhump-2021-prompts-the-prompt-list

“желание”  
Peter stuffs his hand deep into   
the pocket of his jeans, pulling out his keys and letting them plump into the tray next to his phone, wallet, and backpack. Smiling kindly to the security guard as he runs it under the x-ray machine, or… is it a metal detector? Peter really isn’t sure.  
  
The man behind the machine seems annoyed or bored. Reminding Peter deeply of Happy. A name tag is placed on his chest, the small white plastic card, the Stark industries logo, a picture of the man himself, and next to it his name written in black, bold letters. ‘Eric Clark’. His dark greens eyes aren’t friendly. His movement is rough. And Peter fears deeply for his web shooters, as Eric Clark, pushes the backpack future down into the tray. No care in the world for Peter’s things. Eric Clark, huh. More like asshole. Not that Peter would ever say that.  
  
The machine makes a series of beeps, before a small light turns from red to yellow, and then from yellow to green with a high pitch tone playing. Confirming that nothing is out of place.  
  
Eric sighs as he for the first time really looks at Peter, and then shrugs. Nodding Peter along. Towards the human sized metal detector. “Scan your security badge and step through” Eric reminds in a monotone voice. Peter nods and walking forwards, as Eric starts to help the next one in line. A woman, probably in her early 40’s.  
  
Peter pulls out his badge from his back pocket, holding the thin plastic tightly in his hand. Holding it over the scanner, a small circle next to the metal detector, shining blue.  
  
As it scans over Peter’s badge, a humming fills his ears, and Peter can’t help but wounder if the people around him hears it to. And if they do, how have they not gone crazy yet. As the blue lights shortly blinks green, Peter steps through the metal detector and smiles to himself as he moves to grab his stuff from the tray. Another man waiting next to it, greeting Peter dismissively and allows Peter his stuff.  
  
With quick movements Peter pushes badge, keys and phone down into his jeans pocket, and swings the backpack over his shoulders with a loud thud. Waving goodbye to the men.  
  
“Ржавый”  
  
Peter rarely went through the front doors at the tower. It was easier, way easier to just swing to the nearest window and ask Friday, or Karen to open it. But Tony had texted him earlier, reminding him that Friday had to update, and that those systems would be out of commission for a handful of hours. And while Peter probably could have still gotten in through the helicopter pad at the top of the tower, or through a window in Tony’s private lab, he’d chosen to just go in through the front doors.  
  
If only to see people like Eric and the other works, look at him as he actually pulled out a badge and walked in like he was supposed to be there.  
  
He’d only just turned 17, and he was already slightly small for his age. Nobody at their right mind, would actually believe him to be an intern at first glance. Which, he wasn’t really. He was Spider-man. A hero. The friendly neighborhood hero.  
  
“Семнадцать”  
  
Peter hurries through the remaining part of the lobby, making sure to watch his steps carefully as not to bump into anyone. Making his way towards Mr. Starks private elevator.  
  
The big metal doors sliding open, allowing Peter to step inside the big and roomy elevator. The circular shape of it, made of glass, allowing him to watch into the different labs are he with high-speed travels upwards towards the penthouse.  
  
Peter can’t help but slump against the side of the elevator, sighing deeply to himself as he enjoys the ride. It’s another thing he doesn’t get to do much, partly because he rarely goes through, the lobby. And partly because, that if Happy picks him up from school he enters through the underground parking lot in the lower part of the tower. Which isn’t connected to the private elevator, but what Tony calls him lab elevator. More conventional. It’s big, and smells like Tony’s workshop, and Peter’s best guess is that it’s to transport cars up and down. He knows Tony loves pulling engines apart, it wouldn’t surprise him.  
  
“Рассвет”  
  
As the elevator comes to a stop on the penthouse floor, Peter tightens the grip around his backpack straps. With quick steps moving towards the Avengers living room.  
  
The tower is often quiet and empty at this time of day. Everyone either being on missions or hanging out in their private areas’. If they’re even at the tower instead of the compound. And with Friday updating, and Mr. Stark likely busy making sure that goes as planned, Peter doesn’t have a lot to do before Friday comes back online.  
  
Other than his desperate amounts of homework of cause. But that didn’t really count. He could finish that up in less than an hour when he got home to his and May’s apartment.  
  
“Печь”  
  
“Hey Cap” Peter greets entering the living room, waving awkwardly at the super soldier. “Hey Bucky. No offense, but you look like shit. Busy night in Brooklyn?”.  
  
But Bucky doesn’t reply, just stares at the wall in front of him, right below the TV. Sitting stiffly on the couch. No emotions on his face, his eyes dull and distant. And Peter wonders of he even heard him. If he’s aware somebody is talking to him.  
  
“Queens” Steve nods, “Good to see you. Any chance you could grab a glass of water from the kitchen for our quite friend here” he nods towards Bucky, his left hand placed on Bucky’s shoulder in a tight grip. “It’s been a rough night for us all. I’m sure you’ve heard about the attack downtown. It was…” Cap sighs, “It was a mess”.  
  
“Девять”  
  
Peter let’s his backpack slide to the floor next to the coffee table and moves in a hasty pace towards the kitchen future down the hall. For a matter of fact, he had heard about the battle. Tony had informed him of the basic details and warned him to stay low to the ground a few weeks. That despite their win last night, people were still in danger.  
  
He didn’t know much though. Just, something about Hydra having attempted to reclaim some important asset that somebody had stolen from them.  
  
What said asset was or did, he didn’t know. Or why Mr. Stark didn’t want him near it, he didn’t know either. He wanted to ask of course. He wanted more information. But chance where the Stark wouldn’t tell him more than he already had. Once again, treating Peter like a kid.  
  
Despite that, the two had come a long way since the homecoming disaster. Since the snap, or later the blip. And Tony’s coma and… everything in between. They’d gotten close.  
  
Chance’s where, Mr. Stark were making a bigger deal out of everything than it really was. Scared of home Peter might react, or what might happen if he got hurt. And really, Peter couldn’t blame him for that. Even if he did want to blame him and argue about it.  
  
It didn’t seem like the smart choice.  
  
“Добросердечный”  
  
Peter let’s the water fill the glass cup almost to the edge. Watching as each drop plumps down into the clear water below. Like a sea in the rain. So peaceful, and quiet. So beautiful.  
  
“возвращение на родину”  
  
He moves back towards the living room, the glass held in his steady hands. Barely shaking. Watching Steve comfort, the now shaking, ex assassin. As he moves closer, placing the water on the living room table. Choosing to stay quiet, as he picks up his backpack. Deciding that going to his room is the best option at the moment.  
  
Steve gives him a tight nod, and watches with worried eyes towards Peter as he starts moving back towards the hallway. But stop in his own tracks as he gets to the door.  
  
“Один”  
  
His body freezes, his feet planted solid in the ground. His spidey sense vibration in the back of his neck, screaming at him to run. But he can’t run.  
  
He watches as Bucky freezes up too. No longer shaking. Just stiff and quiet.  
  
Peter looks over his shoulder, wondering, where the danger might be. What might happen now. “Did you hear that?” Peter asks quietly, “That… voice. That whisper”.  
  
Steve looks up to Peter from the couch, his hands never leaving Bucky back. Looking confused, yet curious all the same. “What voice, Peter?” he asks, no clue in the world.  
  
“That…” Peter shakes his head, sighing deeply, “That voice. Didn’t you hear it?”.  
  
Cap shakes his head, “Queens, did you hit your head patrolling last night? There’s nobody but us three here. Nobody said anything” he looks back to Bucky and mumbles, “Kids and their imagination, huh Bucky?”.  
  
“I…” Peter doesn’t really know what he wants to say, even if he did, he wouldn’t get a chance.  
  
“грузовой вагон”  
  
The warning to run in the back of his head switches from a warning to a demand. Like his sense explodes all at once, knowing before Bucky makes his move, what is about to happen. “Cap get down!”. Peter, in a swift movement steps through the door, and leans against the edge, half hidden behind the door, but still able to investigate the living room.  
  
Steve seems overly confused, but does what Peter say anyways, ducking down just as Bucky metal arm is about to slam out into him. Before he rolls over the floor, of the couch and onto his legs a few meters away, watching his best friend with panic and worry. And Peter wonders for only a moment if Bucky had been the asset Tony was talking about, and then curses Friday for being offline so they can’t easily get any backup.  
  
Steve doesn’t have his suit and shield. Peter doesn’t have time to pull on his suit. They might be strong and capable, but with the winter soldier, way more would be needed.  
  
Not because they couldn’t take him down. Heck, Peter has always pulled his punches, if he really had to he could probably deal with Bucky all on his own. He’s done so before, against both Bucky and Falcon. But… they don’t want to hurt him. He isn’t the villain. Whoever had gotten him to this state - aka hydra - where the villains. If they could fix this, without hurting anyone, and essentially without killing anyone, that would be preferred.  
  
Cap moves quickly and swiftly towards the door, and towards Peter. Meeting up with him, as they together stars to run down the hallway. Each step they take, echoing through the empty corridors.  
  
“What’s the plan Captain?” Peter questions as Bucky starts to follow them. “Because, I mean, you know him better. How do we make him… not go all psycho assassin on us?”.  
  
“Get him knocked out, sedate him. Have Wakanda take another look, remove the words a second time if that’s needed” Steve gasps for air, clearly not in as good condition as Peter, “I don’t even got a clue what trigger it. He hasn’t had a relapse since Thanos snapped half the universe”.  
  
“He was dead for most of that time period” Peter points out dryly, “And it’s the words. I’ve heard them ever since I entered the tower, thinking it was nothing until I head it much clearly in the living room right before your boyfriend went all crazy”.  
  
“Wait, you heard the words? How did you hear them when I didn’t?”.  
  
Peter shrugs, watching over his shoulder as Bucky seems to have lost their trails, sliding to a stop. “Super hearing you know” Steve slides to his own stop next to him. “So, how to we fix it?”.  
  
“if we can get close to him and hold him down, I might be able to talk to him. Make him calm down. But it’s going to be hard, even when we’re two people. If we fail he could kill us both” Steve’s shoulder slumps slightly forward, “Any clue how to manage that?”.  
  
Peter feels the rough fabric of his backpack scratching against his back. Smirking at Steve as he pushes him through a nearby door, ending up in some dark storage room that Peter suspects nobody has used for a while. Letting the backpack slide of his shoulders and knells next to it as he rummages through it. Searching for the two pieces of nano tech metal that has saved his ass to many times before. Pulling out, with loads of confidence, his web shooters.  
  
Clasping them around his wrist, watching as the nano tech forms. As the weight around his wrist gives him a reassuring feeling. “With these” Peter makes a thwap thwap motion towards a wall, “We don’t even have to get close. He won’t be able to touch us”.

***

And so that’s how they end up in a hallway, Peter hiding behind a corner, Steve just standing around, waiting for Bucky to show his face. Hopefully coming down the hallway sooner than later, so they can get this over with. So, they can pretend this never happened. And so that no one is at risk getting hurt anymore.  
  
As they’d gotten ready though, Peter had cursed himself. Sure, he had his web shooters, and with them some amount of web fluid. But he was low. Having come to the tower to make more, in a place where in teachers wasn’t a risk at coughing him in the act.  
  
They’d might have one attempt, with a bit of minor fighting. So, things had to go completely according to plan. If it didn’t, well… Peter didn’t know what to do if it didn’t.  
  
“Any sign of him yet?” Peter whisper almost silently, looking out to Cap who shakes his head against, for the 8th time in the last 15 minutes. “You don’t think he left, do you?”. Steve shakes his head again, sighing. Sending Peter eyes that says, ‘shut up, please’.  
  
Peter runs his fingers over the cold metal of his shooters when he hears the first thud. Indicating that Bucky is nearing. And Peter gets into passion faster than he even registers. As he hears Cap’s breath hitch in his throat, Bucky coming closer.  
  
Bucky’s breath is heavy and raged. His every move terrifyingly calm. His eyes so distant so… gone. So far from being the happy, or somewhat happy, Bucky Peter had come to know.  
  
So out of character, and so scary in a way Peter just couldn’t explain.  
  
As Bucky got closer, Peter felt his heart speed up. Throbbing in his chest, full and panic and worry. Fearing what might happen. Fearing what might not. Fearing their failure. Fearing their death. But maybe most importantly, fearing that he’d have to step in. That he’d have do the one thing Spider-man doesn’t do.  
  
Kill…  
  
He fears he would need to kill, or at least seriously injury Bucky.  
  
Peter would rather die, than use his powers for evil.  
  
Even in self-defense.  
  
As Bucky get’s closer, and closer, Peter get’s more and more ready. Counting each step. 34, 35, 36… 69… 120… 145. And he hears every thud of his step echoing in the hall. He hears his heartbeat, strong and powerful in his deep chest. And he sees Steve flinch violently as Bucky nears. And Peter knows that this isn’t fun for any of them. That this, will leave scars.  
  
Those on their body would heal, never to bee seen again. They wouldn’t scare, thanks to their accelerated healing.  
  
But those on the soul, on mostly Steve and Bucky. Those would stick around, hidden beneath the surface. Aching for years, in their chest were trust once were.  
  
Replaced with a fear, and a distance. A pain so deep that it would never fully go away.  
  
As Bucky takes the last step towards Steve, everything happens so fast. He just needs to move out, shot one web, and done.  
  
It doesn’t go that easily. It never does.  
  
Peter steps out, expecting Steve to get out of the way quickly, but instead stumbles into him. Caps eyes frozen with fear, his body shaking just a little. And Peter stumbles over the super soldier’s feet. Losing his balance and almost, only almost, falling onto the ground.  
  
The lose of balance makes Peter’s aim off. And as his fingers hit the button place on the inside of his hand, hearing the click, followed by a thwap, Peter hopes it hit.  
  
But it doesn’t. It just, flies right past him, as Bucky’s eyes grows even darker. Despite Peter’s spidey sense, his own personal alarm system, Bucky manages to get a hold on him. His sense just a bit to slow. As Bucky’s metal arm rapes around Peter’s wrist and web shooter. The metal crumbling underneath his strength. Followed by a pain shooting through Peter’s lower arm, numbing it as Bucky lifts his. His feet desperate searching for the floor beneath him. Which… isn’t there. Gone in the wind, as Bucky turns 30 degrees and literally, throws Peter towards a window in the hallway.  
  
Peter reacts quickly, with his good arm he presses down on the button with his ring and long finger, his aim perfect this time, as the web sticks to Bucky’s metal arm, while Peter is in midair.  
  
Not only pulling Peter out the window, down towards the busy New York Traffic below. But Bucky too. The window glass, splintering around them. Peter feels each small bit hitting his face. He feels the droplets of blood, running down his cheek and nose.  
  
He feels one of them hitting just below his eyes, as he blinks desperately, hoping to make it go away. As Bucky grabs around the edge of an open window, with his free hand searching for a knife. And Peter takes his chance. It’s dangerous, and risky. And he knows, he knows deep down that this won’t end well for him.  
  
He doesn’t care.  
  
And pushes the release button on the web shooter, being placing into a freefall alone. Falling past Bucky and takes his final aim towards the soldier.  
  
The web grenade hit’s Bucky on the metal arm first, before exploding into a masterpiece of a web ball, catching the soldiers second arm, chest, and legs. Binding him to the window. And not allowing him to cut himself lose. Peter has made that mistake once, in Berlin. Never again.  
  
And Peter looks down, the ground below coming closer and closer. And he knows, this… this is the end, but better him than anybody else. And so, Peter allows himself to relax, closing his eyes. And take a deep breath into his lungs.  
He doesn’t count the seconds.  
  
He doesn’t see his life pass him by.  
  
He doesn’t regret what he’s doing. He’s done too many good things to regret it.  
  
This was the only way.  
  
He waits, and he waits. At peace with his choice.  
  
… He never hits the ground. The darkness just fills up his vision, with fear peace. As strong metal arms wrap around him. 

***

“Both your Ulna and Radius is broken” Cho goes over the list, showing the x-rays. “Hairline fractures. Even with your accelerated healing, it will take a while before you get full range of use in your left arm again. Your blood pressure and oxygen levels seem to have stabilized, but your rips are bruised from Tony’s catch, so please, take a break. You were very lucky young man” Cho looks over her notes, her eyes soften “What should we tell midtown this time. Flu? Stomach bug?”.  
  
Tony squeezes Peter’s good hand tight. Peter shakes his head, “Neither, my school won’t believe that I’d have that for what… the 7th time over the last 3 months” Peter shakes his head.  
  
“Any other ideas then, Mr. Parker” Cho asks, biting her lip not to laugh.  
  
Peter shrugs, “What about pneumonia? I got it all the time as a kid because of my asthma” Tony sucks in a breath in shock, “That’s about a week, same as the Flu”.  
  
Cho nods and scribbles down quickly on her notes. She reminds Peter once more to rest and lets the door slides shut behind her as she leaves.  
  
“So…” Peter looks to Mr. Stark, “How’d you know I was in trouble?”.  
  
“Barnes got stuck to my window” Tony replies, his eyes going serious, “Do you know what could have happened if you’d been thrown out of a different window? I wouldn’t have known you were in danger. Friday couldn’t tell me. You didn’t have your suit. You would have…” Tony shakes his head, “Kid, you’re the reason I’ve got gray hair”.  
  
“I’m fine Mr. Stark. I’m okay. I promise” Peter says, cheaply. Not meeting Tony’s eyes.  
  
“Do you know how long it takes to get in the suit? 5 point, 4 seconds. Do you know how long it takes to fall to the ground from the top of this building?” Peter shakes his head, “6 point 7 seconds. You… you could have…”.  
  
“I didn’t” Peter says, once again. Like he’s repeated since Tony caught him. “I didn’t die. This isn’t like Titan. I’m here. Right here. It’s okay. Please, breath Mr. Stark”.  
  
“Don’t ever do anything like that again. You’re going to be the death of me” Tony hides behind those words like a wall. In hopes it will hurt a little less. But Peter sees the fear so deep in his eyes.  
  
Peter squeezes Tony’s hand back, looking up. “How Bucky?”.  
  
Tony’s eyes go just a little soft, “Cap is with him down the hall. Worried about you. The sight of you falling made him snap right out of the mind control”.  
  
Peter sighs in relief. Leaning back against the cot he’s laying on. His left arm heavy in the cast.  
  
“What do you say to Thai for dinner?”.


End file.
